He's Just Not Up for It Anymore by Bob Berkowitz; Susan Yager-Berkowitz

Author:Bob Berkowitz; Susan Yager-Berkowitz [Yager-Berkowitz, Bob Berkowitz; Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Self-Help, Sexual Abstinence, Sex, General, Sexual Instruction, Sexuality, Sexual Disorders, Men, Human Sexuality, Psychology, Interpersonal Relations, Sexual Behavior, &NEW, Sexual Excitement, Men - Sexual behavior, Family & Relationships, Health & Fitness, Married people, couples, Intimacy (Psychology), Family relationships
ISBN: 9780061192036
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2008-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

To justify the abuse in a physically or psychologically abusive relationship.

To not give in to a husband’s controlling demands.

The following woman, who is 54 years old and eighty pounds overweight, says that her husband stopped being sexual right before their fifteenth wedding anniversary. They had started a new business, and he was working long hours and rarely home.

At first I thought he was just tired, but I had begun to gain weight at that point, too. I wasn’t fat then, just a little overweight. I tried to seduce him, which he didn’t react to, so I became angrier and angrier and that was when I started to eat and drink more and more.

Clearly, there may be underlying psychogenic factors surround-ing obesity. As sex therapists Gerald Weeks and Nancy Gambescia state when writing about the phenomena of perceived body image and inhibited sexual desire: “The emphasis on appearance [can be]

a red herring or a simple explanation for a deeper, unrecognized problem.” June Reinisch says: “If a person gains that kind of weight, it can be a problem for some men. The question is: what’s happening in her life and in their lives that it can occur? It really doesn’t happen overnight, we can all agree. A woman doesn’t gain ninety pounds in a year.” When asked if she believed it to be a fear of inti-no sex please, we’re eating

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macy, unexpressed anger, or hostility, Dr. Reinisch replied: “It could be [any or] all of those things or her unhappiness due to depression.

The question is, when a woman starts to gain a lot of weight, what’s going on in their relationship that they haven’t dealt with together, as a couple?”

I think his lack of sexual interest is one of the main reasons I had gained the weight. I didn’t put on weight until after we stopped having sex. Looking back, I think it was my way of giving myself an excuse for his no longer wanting me. I gained forty pounds and have taken twenty off. (Female, 30s) SOME MEN DON’T WANT THEIR WIVES

TO LOSE WEIGHT

Most women aspire to be thin, but if they aren’t, there are men who prefer it that way. Some men don’t want a trophy wife because they want to be perceived as the prize. Others feel superior because they are thin as Jack Sprat, but their wives resemble his spouse. Although these men may pretend to encourage efforts to lose weight, they secretly hope for failure.

A man might say he wants his wife to lose weight, but in actuality be threatened by her doing so. A newly thin wife might expect her husband to be more sexual, especially if he has been saying he lost passion because of her weight gain. Stuart and Jacobson give an example of a man falsely blaming impotence on his wife’s obesity, and then having to sadistically continue the charade to avoid the truth:

“For years he refused to have sex with me, claiming that he only found slender women attractive. Believing this, I worked hard at losing weight, and actually got to three pounds under goal.

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